badluckfairy

May 10, 2011

A difference of perspective.

Filed under: College,Writing — by badluckfairy @ 19:45

The onlooker.

She’s a strange girl her, the one over there.  Today she’s stood with her arms crossed, not making eye contact.

Last week when she came in she did nothing but talk.  She shared her experiences, offered advice and fitted in here quite well.

But today, well what can I say?  If she didn’t want to come here she should have stayed at home.  No-one forced her to come.

Maybe I said or did something wrong.  No that can’t be it, we were chatting and laughing animatedly last time we spoke.

Look at her, I wonder if there is something wrong.  Should I ask if she is ok?  No, I’m sure if she wanted our company she’d come and sit nearby.

She’s a strange one her.

The girl.

They are looking at me.  I can’t bring myself to meet their gazes.  I bet they are wondering if I’m being off with them.

Truth is that I just don’t feel comfortable today- not with them, but with me.  There are only a few seats left and I’m worried whoever I sit next to might not want me there.

All I can do is stand here, defending myself.  It’s all about self preservation today, I hope I’m different next time.

I loved being able to chat and have a laugh last time.  Why can’t I just go over and join a conversation?

Why did I have to walk in the room and fold my arms?  Why can’t I even meet their gazes, smile  or say hello?

I wish I could start the last 5 minutes again.  Put up the front that I’m fine, saunter over, sit down and start a conversation.

I didn’t have any problems last week.

I bet they think I’m strange.

March 31, 2011

One week later…

Filed under: College,Humanities — by badluckfairy @ 06:52

So I turned 30 this time last week.  And other than the major hangover I experienced most of Saturday, I feel no differently than I did at 29.

Today the cards will come down so that in a few weeks time I can fall into genuinely wondering ‘Am I 30 or am I 29?’.

I had my college interview on Monday, and I’m in.  Well, providing I can present them with my GCSE English certificate.  I have between now and September to do so, they’ve waved the 8 week deadline that was originally set for getting certificates in.

So Humanities and Social science focussing on psychology and sociology here I come!

I can’t wait, but as it’s only the end of March and I don’t start until September, I guess I’m going to have to.

Right, time to force myself into the normal Thursday routine.  Wish me luck.

March 14, 2011

Me….write an essay….really?

Filed under: College,Humanities — by badluckfairy @ 13:20

So on Friday I went to the college assessment.

The maths test was ok.  I think I did fairly well in that.  Well, at least if I didn’t get some of the actual answers right there were marks available for showing your working out!

The English test… well what a nightmare!  We had to write a letter then a mini essay.

I hadn’t written an essay for about 12 years, and I’ve never been particularly good at writing them anyway.  When I go for my interview, I think I’ll take one of my short stories along just so I can prove that I can actually use the English language to write coherently.

The real kick in the teeth came when I found out that the GCSE equivalents that I have done in recent years actually mean nothing.  Nada.  Zip.

And because I can’t afford to pay to get my original GCSE certificates posted to me, I will have to do Lincoln College’s equivalents to English and Maths GCSE.  So I’d be replacing equivalents with equivalents and doing extra hours every week.

That’s if I get an offer of a place.

And then there’s the fact that I do not qualify for any help with actual fees.  So even if I get a place I might not be able to take it unless I can find some kind of sponsorship.  Apparently the college might possibly take pity on me and let me do the course for free instead of asking that I pay £1000 in tuition fees.

But for now, I just need to concentrate on psyching myself up for when I get my interview.  I need to get an offer of a place first then think about fees.

March 10, 2011

The big day looms!

Filed under: College,Humanities — by badluckfairy @ 22:31

So yeah, tomorrow.  College assessment.

It should be fine.  I’m planning on going in to this with my ‘I’m confident and you should be giving me a place on this course’ head on.

It’s been a long time since I had that head on.  I’m not sure if I can manage this.

But if I don’t even try, I’ll end up kicking myself.

So please keep your fingers crossed that I can manage this and come back with some good news!

March 3, 2011

35 hits….

Filed under: College,Kids — by badluckfairy @ 20:28

And no comments?  Aww come on people, at least let me know that it is genuine human beings that are checking out my blog, pleeeaaaase?

This time next week I will be very very nervous.  Next Friday, I have my college interview and assessement.  I will have to do both a maths and an English test.

Great…..

On the upside, last time I went for a college assessment, they didn’t actually make me do the tests.  They gave me a place on practically the same course I’m applying for now on the spot.  But now that I’m 5 years older than I was then, I doubt I’m going to get away with it this time.

Despite the place on the course 5 years ago, I couldn’t actually take them up on that because at the last hurdle I fell.  Childcare.  I could not get any funding at all for any childcare.

But this time, despite having double the number of children that I had 5 years ago, both of them will be in full-time education come September woohoo!

So it will be time for me to set a good example and show them that I’m working hard, bettering myself, learning alongside them when I can.  And also time and chance for me to make new friends and start having more of a social life….. can you hear the sympathetic music in the background?

I may be turning 30 in a few weeks, but I’m not growing up just yet.  I is going to be a student.

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