badluckfairy

April 19, 2011

Jude

Filed under: Writing — by badluckfairy @ 23:36

Jude

When Helen was born, Jude realised that things had to change.

That tiny 5lb baby born 4 weeks early was the catalyst Jude thought would never come along.  She presumed that she was destined to suffer at the hands of fate, misery and pain until her last breath had been drawn.

But the pain she endured was dealt to her by the one she once loved more than life itself.

John had always been a kind and caring man, so gentle and loving.  Jude used to lay awake for hours after they had made love just to listen to him breathing.  Every time he’d inhale it was almost as if his very presence would consume her and they would be one forever more.

When they married, Jude felt like the luckiest woman on earth.  The honeymoon period lasted little more than 8 weeks and ended rudely with a fist connecting with her eye socket causing a black eye and wounded pride.

Of course he apologised straight away, always did in the beginning.  He’d crumple to the floor in self pity and hatred and sob until she’d agree to forgive him, telling him that this was the last time and if it happened again she would leave him.

But of course, after she’d lost count of the amount of bruises he’d caused, her pride faded and fear took over.

The very first time she tried to leave him he threatened to take his own life.  She felt pity for him and wouldn’t leave because how could she live with herself if she essentially had his blood on her hands?  Forget all the times he had literally had her blood on his hands, at least they were just wounds that would fade and heal.  But if he took his own life, she would have that on her conscience forever.

After that one night he never threatened his own life.  It was Jude’s life that hung in the balance.

When she had found out she was pregnant, Jude’s pain increased tenfold.  She felt guilty because she hoped the pregnancy would end in the next split second.  Her life was already a misery; at least the life growing inside her had a way out without knowing the sting of pain.  If John found out he was to be a Father, how would he react?  Perhaps it would be 2 lives that would be taken.

Of course he found out.  For 2 whole weeks he did nothing but shower Jude with love and affection because he wanted his son to be strong and healthy.

The start of Jude’s 16th week of pregnancy marked the end of John’s care.  Jude felt so safe, had almost forgotten what life had been like and dared ask him what he would want to call the baby if it was a girl.

How she wished she’d not opened her mouth.  The rage he unleashed at the very thought of having a daughter was unbearable.  A tirade of punches and kicks narrowly missing her womb pummeling until the healed skin once again became bruised and tender.

Jude did not dare sleep that night.  Every so often she crept to the bathroom to check for bleeding, holding her breath until she was sure there were no signs of blood.

Many nights were spent like this.  Each doctor’s appointment was the same, the bags under her eyes were commented upon and anaemia was suggested.

One night John almost took things too far.  He beat his wife until she fell to the ground unconscious, blood pouring from her nose.  Her breathing became very shallow, and as he turned his head to listen to her breathing he noticed a pool of blood.

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