badluckfairy

March 21, 2011

Moments of clarity.

Filed under: Writing — by badluckfairy @ 21:31

Shona knew that this wasn’t all there was.  She knew there was better out there.

But how do you find it or breathe in freedom when you are tethered to a life of misery?

The most important thing was that her children were safe.  Sleeping peacefully in their own beds dreaming of the lives they live.

They weren’t in care, they weren’t being subjected to living with their Father either.  They were safe, in their own place with their Mother.

Why didn’t people understand this?  Was it not plain to see that she had to suffer in order to protect the children?

If she tried to walk away from him, he had the power to destroy her.

The power to take away the most important thing, the only thing that kept her going.  Her reason for being.  Those children.

She pushed her daughter away when he was around.  Pulled her in as close as she could as soon as he left.

And the little boy?  She couldn’t help feeling he was turning into a spoilt Daddy’s boy, but the child wasn’t to blame.

As soon as he did something his father felt was out of line, he would run sobbing for the comfort of his Mother’s arms.

This didn’t help Shona in disciplining the children when they were alone together.  But nevertheless, the children were with her and that was the main thing.

Yes she had to suffer.  Had to stomach the feel of his hands on her skin, had to conform to how the rules were at any given time.

She knew it was only time before he left her for another woman, again.  Secretly she’d started to hope he would.  And that this time it would work out so he wouldn’t end up back on her doorstep.

She’d decided over a year ago that this was the final time.  She wouldn’t take him back again if there were anymore other women.

All of the pain he had caused didn’t matter as long as the children were with her.  She felt she could just about cope with things how they were until she was in a stronger position.

For now the most important thing was that the children were indeed sleeping peacefully in their own beds, dreaming of their lives, the lives they live.

 

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